The First Meeting
by Der Drache der Himmel
Summary: The first meeting of the Folken Lovers Anonymous! What could go wrong? (self-insertion warning)


THE FIRST MEETING  
  
She thought it more than a bit cold outside as she stood before the door, a small shower of rain pouring down on her. In the cold of the fall months, her breath made a small cloud of vapor before her face, as her breath froze in midair. Drawing another breath, a deeper one, she opened the door before her.   
The door was marked "Escaflowne Lovers Anonymous."  
She walked slowly down the hall, taking notice of various other doors on either side of the long hall.  
Out of the door marked "Dilandau Lovers Anonymous" came a loud screech that sounded like a dying cat, and then someone came flying through the door. The pink-haired person screamed, "You ain't rid o' me yet, you flea-ridden excuse for a Dilandau lover!" and charged back into the room, sleeves rolled up.  
She began to walk quicker now.  
Through the door marked "Hitomi Lovers" with the traditional "Anonymous" placed on the end rose the sounds of a catfight . . . Between guys?  
The lanky blond began to take even longer strides, wondering WHEN the hall would end and she would make it to her room. Shoving her hands even further into her pockets, she tried to pull back further into her coat.  
It was beginning to get scary now; the sounds of a wrestling match filtered through the crack under the door marked "Allen Lovers Anonymous." Loud hoots and cheers screeching things like "Get 'em, girl!" and "Claw her eyeballs out!" rang out into the otherwise silence of the main hallway.   
She eyed the door, edged away from it, and began to jog.  
Then, like the light at the end of the dark tunnel, she saw the door at the end of the hall-the door marked "Folken Lovers Anonymous."  
She began to run now, to run towards the light, the blessed light! She was almost there..  
And then there was somebody in her way.  
She stopped, scowled, shouted. "Move out of my way, Sie Hund!" she said, using her trademark German and giving them a rough shove. The person turned, glared just as hard as her, and then fell into the wall.  
"Hey!" they yelped, shoving her back. "That's my move!"   
Ignoring them, she ran even faster, sprinting now, until she was five feet away from the door, four feet away, now three feet, two feet, one . . .   
She stuck out her hand to turn the doorknob . . .   
But ran into the door with a loud THUD as someone pushed her from behind.   
"Hey! Move it, German Girl!"  
She turned around, gave a hard shove to the person she had run into in the hall a few seconds before, and made another mad scramble for the doorknob.   
She turned the knob . . .   
Time seemed to stand still as the person tackled her from behind and she fell into a room full of people sitting on chairs arranged in a circle, all of which were staring at her.  
"Hi, new person," someone said.  
***  
She angrily brushed herself off as she sat in a chair recently added to the circle. She shot a poisonous glare at the person that had pushed, shoved, tackled, and just run into her in general, and they returned the look.   
A red-haired woman standing in the middle of their little circle cleared their throat and began to speak.  
"Hello and welcome to the first meeting of Folken Lovers Anonymous," she said cheerily, a sappy smile stretching across her face. "My name is Mizuki, and I'd like to get to know all of you. Will someone please stand up, tell us your name, and why you're here?" Her sweetness was beginning to grind everyone's nerves.   
The only thing to be heard in the room was the slow chewing of one person eating an orange, peel and all.  
The smile still plastered on her face to the point of it hurt anyone's mouth to look at it, "Mizuki" said, "Okay. I guess no one wants to volunteer. How about . . . you?"  
She pointed directly at the one who had been called "German Girl."   
She pointed at herself, jaw dropped, and mouthed the word "me?"  
Mizuki nodded.   
She scowled, stood up, cleared her throat.  
"My name is Emil," she mumbled. "But everyone just calls me Der Drache." She shot a look in the direction of the person who had shoved her. "NOT 'German Girl.'"  
"Thank you . . . Emil," Mizuki said. "Now, why don't you tell us a little about yourself?"   
Der Drache shot her a look of pure poison and said, "I just came here because I like Folken. That is all I am going to say."   
She sat back down and folded her arms across her chest, glaring at Mizuki.  
Now the person sitting next to her stood up and cleared her throat.  
"Hello, muy naim ees Marie," she said, in a strong French accent, "un I caim heer becaus I fin' ze charachter Folkay razer . . . attracteeve."   
Der Drache glared and said, "I shot down your brother."  
"Wha?"  
The blond stood up. "I shot down your idiot brother!" she said, hands clenched into fists. "And he did not put up much of a fight, either, you Hund."  
"No, you deed not!" Marie sniffed. "My brozer was ze greatest fightur pilet evur!"  
Der Drache rolled her eyes.   
"If the whole of the world's fighter pilots were yellow-bellied cowards," she said, "then perhaps your brother would be the greatest fighter pilot ever. But, since they are not-praise the good Lord-your brother was the most cowardly dog that ever flew."   
"He was not!"   
"Was to!"  
"Was not!"   
"Was to!"   
"Ladies, ladies!" shouted Mizuki, the smile still plastered in a painful-to-look-at way across her face. "There's no reason to fight!"  
"Yaes zere ees! She eensulted my brozer!"  
"Yes, I did, and I am rather proud of it, too."   
"Break it up!"  
"DIE!!"  
Somebody had thrown an orange at them. As a matter of fact, it was the same person who shouted "DIE!!"  
Everybody turned and stared.   
They shouted "DIE!!" again, and hit Mizuki in the head with an orange before calmly going back to finishing off their-you guessed it-orange.  
***  
Mizuki was still smiling. Emil's face was beginning to hurt without even having to look at her.   
Meanwhile, people continued introducing themselves.  
"Hello, my name is Alicia, and I came here because I like Folken," said the person who was always either eating or throwing-yep, you were right-oranges. "And I also love oranges. So I hope Folken loves oranges. So I don't have to choose between Folken and oranges."   
"Alicia" sat down.  
"Yes, thank you, Alicia," said Mizuki. Emil shuddered at the smile. "Next?"  
Another person stood up.   
"Hello, my name is Mitsumi and I wanna get the heck out of here so I can continue my plan for world domination in order to destroy all other Folken lovers so that I can have him for myself so you will all DIE! Ah-hah-hah-hah-haa!"  
"DIE!!"  
Mitsumi dodged the orange going at approximately eighty miles an hour aimed for her head, only to be hit in the stomach with another one. She fell backwards over her chair and landed spread eagle, then was motionless.  
Alicia, who had, of course, thrown the oranges, went back to chewing her orange peel.  
And, also of course, Mizuki was still smiling.   
"Thank you for that rather . . . stirring speech," she said in such a sweet way that everyone in the room simultaneously shuddered-even Mitsumi, lying unconscious on the floor. "Would the next person please stand?"  
"Hi, my name is Rachael, and people always say I have a bubbly personality, but most people just sue me when I slap them on the back and their head gets banged into a wall," a black-haired girl said, a funny-but not painful-grin spread across her face. "And I also wave at fifth graders. There's one now! Hi, little guy!"  
She ran over to the window and waved to a passing fifth grader, who gave her the Look of Doom and continued walking.  
"Step away from the window, Rachael," another person-who turned out to be Rachael's best friend-said. "You're scaring the fifth graders."   
Rachael sat down.  
The next person stood up.   
"My name is Ginger and I just came here to beat the crud out of people," one blue-haired person said. "But, other than that, I like Folken. So I guess I kind of fit in."   
She sat down.   
Now the third-to-last person stood up.   
Clearing their throat, they began. "My name is Cassy and I don't have time for pleasantries because I hate public speaking," said a person with turquiose-colored hair. "And I'm a black belt in karate, so don't make me mad."  
She sat down.  
"Okay . . . thank you, Cassy," said Mizuki. Der Drache was ready to go up there and slap that smile off of her face. But right now, she was too busy having a stare-down with Marie.  
The person who had tackled Emil earlier now cleared her throat as she rose into a standing position and made herself known.  
"My name is Miyako and I came here because I think Folken is the hottest person on Earth," intoned the black-haired girl. "And I like shoving people, too. And kicking unconscious people." She walked over to Mitsumi, still unconscious on the floor, and gave her a few kicks.  
Mitsumi made a kick into the air like a dying beetle.  
Miyako sat down.  
"Will the last person please stand up?" requested Mizuki in such a SWEET way that Alicia began choking on her orange. She managed a hoarse "Die!" and threw an orange rather slowly . . . for her. It bounced off Mizuki's smile of steel.  
Mizuki turned her head all the way around on her shoulders-the front of her body was facing the other side of the room-and said, the ear-to-ear smile still there, "I'm sorry, did you say something, Alicia?"  
Alicia choked on her orange even more as Mizuki's eyes briefly glowed, before Mizuki turned her head slowly around again.  
Alicia coughed up a banana peel.  
Everyone else just gaped.  
"Will the last person please stand up?" Mizuki said again. No one said anything. Even Alicia stopped coughing up various fruit peels.   
VERRYY slowly, the last person stood up.  
"H-h-hi," she stuttered, "m-m-m-my n-name i-i-i-i-i-i-is K-k-k-Kathleen. An-a-and I j-just c-c-came h-here be-be-bec-c-cause a-all th-th-the oth-th-ther r-r-rooms w-were t-t-taken-"  
"Sacrilege!" Alicia rasped, hurling an orange at Kathleen. Kathleen was hit upside the head by it and lay spread eagle on the floor, like Mitsumi, and gave one last compulsive jerk before lying still.   
Miyako gave Kathleen a few kicks.  
Emil continued to stare down Marie.  
"Now that we all know each other," Mizuki said sappily, "why don't we all tell why we're here?"  
There were a few mumbles and growls from the neat little circle of chairs.  
"Okay then, I guess we won't."  
***  
It had been an hour. No one had stirred. Mizuki's face was still stretched into that horrible grin, while everyone else was grimacing in pain without even having to look at it. Mitsumi and Kathleen were still unconscious, and the pile of various assorted fruit peels lying on the floor in front of Alicia was growing ever larger. Marie and Emil were still at a stare down.  
Until Marie broke.  
"Ha! You looked away! You looked away!"  
Emil began gloating. Marie just pouted.   
Until Mizuki turned her head all the way around again. Then everyone was quiet.  
Alicia coughed up a peach pit.  
Suddenly . . .   
There was a loud banging on the door. Mizuki walked over, answered it, and kept right on grinning as another person stepped in.   
But this one was . . .   
"FOLKEN!"  
Alicia stopped coughing up fruit peels-and a peach pit-and looked up. Rachel stopped waving at fifth graders to turn around. Marie stopped pouting and shot up like a rocket, while Miyako paused in mid-kick and whipped her head around, and Ginger stopped sparring with Cassy.  
All their jaws dropped.  
But that only lasted an instant.  
Before any of them knew what was happening, they were all in a mad scramble for the door, and a VERY surprised Folken.  
There was loud screech as Ginger sent Miyako flying, and Cassy threw Alicia out of the way, who responded by hitting Cassy upside the head with a . . . pear?  
Cassy was down.  
Ginger tackled Marie, who made clawing motions at the air in a vain attempt to grab hold of something.   
Mitsumi woke up.  
Mitsumi began screeching, "Folken! Folken! Folken!" She soon joined in the insane brawl.  
Kathleen woke up, only to have Miyako land on her. Both of them were now unconscious.  
Miyako kicked herself.  
Ginger gave Rachel the boot and continued in her insane scramble for the door.  
Der Drache, seeing as the closest person to her was Marie, and Marie was in front of her, pulled a rather cruel trick-she began running faster, and faster, and faster . . .   
Marie knew what was going to happen and began to zigzag, but Der Drache continued in a stright line unitl she caught Marie . . .   
The little French girl was down and out.   
Mitsumi suddenly came running up behind everybody, like some kind of insane track runner. She snarled, put her head down, and tackled Ginger, who didn't go down without a fight.   
They were left on the floor in a wrestling match to the death.   
Now she was the only one left . . .   
Except for Mizuki.  
The demon-possessed group therapist was catching up to Emil, her tongue hanging out of the side of her mouth like a demented dog chasing a rabbit.   
They were only three feet away, now two, one . . .   
Mizuki's eyes began glowing, and Emil began to choke.  
"NOOO!! DIIEEE!!!"  
It was Alicia to the rescue, pegging the evil therapist with a banana going ninety miles an hour. Time seemed to stand still as Mizuki SSLLOOWWLLYY fell forward, thrusting one arm out in a feeble attempt to catch Der Drache by the ankle. But Emil had stopped choking, freed from the power of the demon, and continued running forward . . . landing on Folken.  
Time returned to normal, but not before Mizuki convulsed, then finally lay still.  
The demon was dead.  
"YEEE-HAAA!"  
***   
It had been two hours of Lord Folken Fanel attempting to remove a very gleeful Der Drache from his waist before anyone congratulated Alicia.  
"Didn't know you had it in you, kid," said Ginger, giving Alicia a punch to the shoulder that to her was playful, but knocked Alicia out of her chair.   
"Yeah. Good job," added Mitsumi, rubbing her head. "Although I STILL have a headache."   
Marie didn't say anything; she just pouted as Der Drache let out a very happy string of words in German.  
"Ein gut Tag! Ein SEHR gut Tag! Es ist ein schonnebeck Tag! . . ."  
Alicia arched an eyebrow and continued to eat her orange.  
Suddenly . . .   
There was a loud knocking on the door, and then someone burst through the doorway. It was our favorite pyromaniac and psychopath in general, Dilandau Albatou!  
"Lord Folken Lacour de Fanel," he said silkily, "remove this . . . this THING from around my waist at once."  
Everybody stared at him, then looked to see what was clinging to his waist.  
Apparently, the pink-haired person had won the brawl, and had now claimed the prize. Their arms were wrapped around Dilandau in a death grip.  
"I am sorry," Folken said sadly, "but one has already attached itself to me as well." He gestured towards a VERY happy Der Drache with one, cybernetic arm, and sighed.  
Dilandau rolled his eyes.  
"The creatures are annoying, are they not?"  
"Very."  
Mizuki convulsed again, and everyone gave wide-eyed stares.  
Then she was still.  
Everyone exhaled.  
***  
At exactly six o'clock P.M., Mizuki shot up like a rocket and began smiling once more.  
"Time to go home!" she said cheerfully, and everyone wondered if she was still demon-possessed.  
As they all filed out the door-a rather difficult task for Dilandau and Folken-she nodded to each one and said, "I hope you enjoyed the first meeting. We would very much enjoy it if you came again!" Everyone gave suspicious and creeped out stares in return.  
The rain had, by now, stopped. It was rather damp outside, and large puddles splayed across much of the land; the sidewalk had its share of collected water, too, and it proved a very difficult task for Dilandau and Folken to jump them.  
Der Drache opened her green eyes and looked up at Folken, saying, "Can I see your wings?"  
Folken sighed again.  
The pink-haired person said, "Howdy, my name's Beth Ann!"   
Dilandau gave a look that said "Why me?"  
The little cluster moved along until they reached the street corner, where everyone said their good-byes and parted.  
Emil and Beth Ann went home with Dilandau and Folken, and Emil eventually caught a dragon and named it Manfred.   
Beth Ann, however, was satisified with riding Dilandau's guymelef, rodeo-style. 


End file.
